So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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