I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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