Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
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