pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
