before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
