i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
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