When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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