You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Randomize
