thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
