I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize