He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
