i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize