Well apparently he's into motor boating.
You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Randomize
