What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
