A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Randomize
