9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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