Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Randomize
