dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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