Sacagawea was the original milf.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
