If i come over, it means nothing
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
