remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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