I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Randomize