I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Randomize
