I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Randomize
