at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize