So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
My life is pants optional.
Randomize
