I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
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