i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
The Olympian is in my bed
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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