enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Randomize
