Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
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