he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
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