What did we do last night that was yellow?
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Randomize
