I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
