Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize
