I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
it was like eating out sand paper
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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