I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Randomize
