I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Randomize
