matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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