she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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