I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Randomize
