I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
