My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
