I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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