My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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