I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
