i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
