Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
