Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
It's official drugs can't kill me
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize