i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
