doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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