We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize