these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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