proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
we're so committed to being not committed
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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