Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Randomize
