Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
