I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
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