Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
