So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Randomize
