so explain again why im purple
no
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
