I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize