literally had 100 drinks last night.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
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