Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
