The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
