this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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