VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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