Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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