belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Randomize
