I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize