Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
