Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
