The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
