It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize