Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
