Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
