dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
