I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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