I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
