If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
