He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
