Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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