Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
