but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
