I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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