So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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