I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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