apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
So vagazzling was a success
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Randomize
