I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
