If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
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