a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
