The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
operation have a gay friend backfired
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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