and you said cock pushups were impossible
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
