shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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