why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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