If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
