when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
