i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
