now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
She bit a glass in half.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Randomize
