I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
