Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize