i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
My Higher Power is John Stamos
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
