its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
