i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize